spilling the beans

patrick and i have been attending a marriage course sponsored by our stake [church group-not restaurant] on Sunday nights.

there is nothing like going to a class about improving your marriage to make you realize you have issues. not so much the big ones for me. just little ones.my issues are usually like a few grains of beach sand in your sandwich . yuck. [i HATE it when i am enjoying yummy food and i chomp down on a crunchy piece of dirt. it's kind-of a pet peeve of mine.]

i've got enough dignity to not spill my whole can of beans, just a few of them, so lets just say that i ALWAYS have room for improvement.

back to the story.

this past Sunday the main topic was on communicating things to your spouse. and seeing how i am married to a man [and we think VERY differently] there is never too much i can learn about the topic.

we learned fun stuff about.....

not giving unsolicited advice.
how husbands don't like nagging. [ha! i would never! :) ]
how to give encouragement.
how we should be able to say what we think feel and believe openly.
how to address issues without criticism and contempt.
and other good stuff too.

then, at the end of class we had an anonymous question and answer time.
i always like to hear the questions that others have because i just love to relate.

but then, the very last question [which was more accurately a statement] hit WAY to close to home. it was a statement that i wished i couldn't relate to.

as she read the statement, i just couldn't help but think, "that's something that patrick must feel sometimes." and then i started thinking..."what if patrick DID write that?" then i thought..."probably not. i know that i am a bit too picky at times, but it's not at that point."
and that was that. i felt better after i reassured myself, but i still made a little mental note and realized i could take the statement to heart and do little better about showing appreciation more and nagging less. [that's a no-brainer.]

the class ended and i felt a renewed desire to be a nice little wiffie.

then patrick went and gathered the kids and babysitter from the nursery while i waited for my turn to ask the teacher something to clarify.

as i stood and waited my turn, i spied the little question basket directly in front of me.

and it called my name.

i just couldn't squelch my curiosity.

i picked up the note on top, opened it up, and to my horror, i recognized it as patrick's handwriting!!!

emotions started running through my veins as i read,

"Nothing I Ever Do Is Good Enough?"

i thought, "could i really be THAT bad? why didn't he tell me directly instead of going the back door route to be noticed? if he would have would i have listened?" and so on and on went the thoughts of guilt.

then it was my turn to ask the teacher my little question.

i did.

then i blurted out, "and i just realized while waiting, that my husband wrote THIS question."
i handed him the slip of paper.

as he read, my eyes started flowing.
[yea, right there in a room of lingering people.]

and so did my mouth.

i went on, "i had no idea that he felt this bad. i really do try to show appreciation and tell him how wonderful he is. i just need to more often i guess. and he is wonderful. he's a good man."

then i showed the teacher how in my notes from the class where i had written in the margin, "i'm sooo grateful you are a good provider-very good!" [and i meant it.]

the poor teacher clamored to know what to say to this emotional woman standing before him. he did offer advice, but all i can remember him saying is that i should talk to him about it and really listen without "defending and explaining." i remember him saying as i walked out, "good luck."

"oh boy, this might get interesting," i thought.

i stood in the dark hallway of the church and composed myself, wiped my tears dry, put on a happy face, then proceeded to the car. i just thanked the heavens that is was dark outside. [mainly for the babysitter's sake, but also for mine since i did NOT want to talk with patrick about the note...yet.] patrick didn't even notice my red eyes! yeah!

-and so, i carried on with life.
-and i thought about why he wrote that statement.
-and i did some soul searching to think about what i could do to show more love to patrick.
-and I wondered why he felt so bad.
-and i felt bad for my weaknesses. [that i've not overcome. yet.]
-and i wondered why he made a statement during a 'question' and answer time ["he's smarter than that, isn't he?"]
-and i devised a plan - a way to bring up "the note."
-and i agonized.
-and i thought about all the times i had failed to say thank-you for____________ [fill in with one of the things he does on a daily basis around the house. like.....cleaning up the dinner mess and doing the dishes 3 days in a row without my help because i was taking care of little dallin who has been sick. or always putting the kids to bed or ....]
-and any chance i could find, i praised & thanked him.
-and i noticed how much he really does do for us.
-and i prayed for help to know what to say so i could right the wrong.
-and i felt disappointed in myself for all the times that i nagged him about ___________ [just fill in the blank. i'm sure i've nagged about it at some point.] :)
-and i realized that i need to be WAAAY more grateful for my wonderful husband.

then, this morning as he was getting ready to leave for a nice job interview [just an upgrade], and since spirits were high, i spilled the beans and said,

"i know you wrote that question!"

him: [w/ a puzzled look and a chuckle] what question???

me: that one from the marriage class.

him: what are you talking about???

me: you know, the last question.

him: huh?

me: it said, "nothing i ever do is good enough."

him: I DID NOT?!?!?

me: i know you did. i have the note.

him: you are crazy! i would never write that!

me: look. it's your handwriting!

him: you've got to be kidding me! this isn't my handwriting.

me: it sure looks like it!

him: look at how i write that same sentence.


me: you didn't write that?!?! [with tears in my eyes, feeling a huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders.]

him: they don't even look the same. now do you believe me?

me: yes.
[and i did even more after i looked at his handwriting from his journal. i was way off!]

and then, we laughed.
and he shook his head in disbelief considering how crazy and paranoid i had been.
and i felt much, much better.
and he said, you are just crazy. you should blog about this.
and i NOW grin when i think of torture i put myself through over the past 4 days.
and i have learned a very important lesson. [the hard way.]
and because he thought i was so off my rocker, and has a twisted sense of humor, he sent me this e-mail:

Morris, Patrick

3:20 PM (2 hours ago)

Does this look like my writing?

Nothing I ever do is good enough?

Patrick J. Morris

Application Developer

ha ha. very funny sir.

so, my friends, the moral of this long, ridiculous, bean splilling story is:

live your life so that when you hear the statement of an unappreciated, nagged, beaten down husband, "nothing i ever do is good enough,"you can say in your heart with confidence....

"my husband couldn't possibly feel that way, considering how wonderfully i treat him!"

because it DID come from one of the men in that class.
hopefully next time i can think, "it's not from my man!"
and what a wonderful man he is!

i have a goal.....
yummy sandwiches, light on the sand!

and now you need to spill your beans
....if your husband wrote a note in a marriage class, what would it say?!

these are a few of my favorite things....

i just thought i'd share some things i'm enjoying lately....
to get the full effect of this click here to insert sound of music song mentioning doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.

now, sit back, relax and....

imagine me prancing around the
nursery with my children
in matching nightgowns....
or not...that would be way too much.

1.

1. i just adore sleep grins. i'm still working on getting a full fledged sleep grin in a picture, but they are soo quick that i usually miss the great ones. this is the best i've gotten so far. i have one thing to say....these are NOT grins he makes when passing gas. i'm convinced that he's just having great dream. i can just imagine him having wonderful dreams of wonderful things like mom's juice, westling with justin someday, getting dressed up by anna in girl clothes and hevenly father. what a nice little face from the little guy that usually stares at me as if i am an alien.

2.

2.dang, PATRICK sure is cute! one of my favorite things is seeing a man...my man....wearing a sling. this is the 1st of our children he has carried in a sling and i sure do love it...and so does dallin. they just look so cute together. i also enjoy patrick's face with a hint of extra cheeze.

3.

3.i love how much justin LOVES dallin. he can't get enough of him. he just repeats over and over, "mom, his is just soooo cute." then he gives him a really tight squeeze and a kiss...or 10, but who's counting.

4.

4. i have a strange love for buckets. this cute mop bucket that rings out my dirty mop is handy and great to have around, even if it doesn't get used as often as it should. why is a mop bucket one of my favorite things? the floors in my house are entirely hardwood. nuff said.

5.

5. i think the perfect hair swirl on the back of dallin's cute little head is perfectly YUMMY. it must be in the genes. justin has it too. so cute.

6.

6. at times, i cant get enough of whole foods...no, people, i've not gone crazy throwing my money around, i like whole foods only under VERY special circumstances: when they are closing the store and selling off inventory at rediculously cheep prices. and just because they knew that i couldn't stay away when there would be more stuff i hadn't seen yet , they put new stuff on clearance every day. i'm sorry to say that i went there 10 times in a two week period. i paid 1.99 for a lg. bottle of delicious olive oil...then i bought 12 more just like it and called it food storage. i just couldn't pass up that 50# bag of sea salt for 10.99 either...it's name: food storage.

7.

7.the GOPHER is my true friend!!! i have never had such a fondness for a tool in my entire life. if you've ever been pregnant or have conastantly carried a baby around, while helping pick up after 2 young children you can imagine why i would love gophie so. i love his suction cups, sturdy construction and fancy trigger lock. i'm just lazy enough that even when the kids are grown and gone, he'll still be my friend.

8.

8. i just laughed when i saw anna's "rain" dance as she pranced around her puddle on the floor.
(and i'm not talking about the kind that falls from the sky).....

i also love that i have hard floors cause it's rains in our house more than is does outside ever since anna discovered that she REALLY enjoys that free feeling and has learned to take her clothing and nappy off.

9.

9. you may find this hare to believe, but: i LOVE laundry (hold on while i paste a VERY fake happy grin on my face.) come on, repeat with me...."I LOVE LAUNDRY." "I LOVE LAUNDRY." "I LOVE LAUNDRY." until this afternoon I did NOT love laundry. but i do now.

laundry is a crazy thing to love, but I've decided i've got no other choice. for as long as i can remember, at the very thought of doing laundry i would simply repeat the folllowing mantra in my head and from my tired lips:
"once i gave up all hope (of EVER keeping the laundry done on a regular basis) i felt much better." the only problem is that no matter how many times i would repeat this, i never felt better. i would just think, i hate laundry, then wait until it got so bad that our family would get together, put on a movie and have a LAUNDRY PARTY! yes. it was incredibly fun, right!? whenever justin hears that we'll be watching a movie he begs, "can we NOT have a laundry party while we watch a movie?" poor child.

the picture i posted i took 3 weeks ago. at that point i had had it and spent all day sorting, folding it and putting it all away. now, today, it is just as bad. but now i am NOT going to dread doing it because....
I LOVE LAUNDRY. yes, yes i do. i can love such a neverending monotanous task. last week when i went to TIME OUT for women, Virginia Hinkley Pearce , mother of 6, said something i needed to hear about housekeeping. she shared. "there are no insignifigant tasks, no matter how small." thanks virginia, i needed that.

i think she was even talking about my laundry, even if it's not exactly a small task.

the other day, my friend alissa wrote a post about how she LOVES ironing. so, if alissa can LOVE ironing, julie can LOVE laundry.
hopefully this is true love...but only time will tell.

I SIMPLY REMEMBER MY FAVORITE THINGS....AND THEN I DON'T FEEEEL SOOOOOOO BAD!

Patrick sends me fun e-mails.

"Someone was taking a look at my computer today so I decided to draw you
a nice picture.I thought I would upgrade a little from my normal stick figures."

I don't know why, but this picture is so funny to me. It's so endearing to me that he draws like a 4th grader. Anytime Patrick draws something I laugh!"